I love how some self-care apps let you track your progress and set reminders to practice mindfulness

Because what's more relaxing than having an app yell at you for not meditating enough?

He told me he was an 'alpha male' who 'takes charge' and 'knows what he wants.'

Then spent ten minutes asking his phone what the weather was like tomorrow.

I saw a guy's Tinder bio that said he's a 'free spirit' who 'lives life on his own terms'

But his profile picture was him posing in front of a Mom-approved kitchen backdrop

When I'm having a bad day, I don't just mope around.

I find the nearest window, gaze out pensively at nothing, and patiently wait for the rain to start, because every great character arc needs a 'staring out the window while it rains' scene.