I've been trying to develop a self-care routine

but so far it just consists of buying face masks and calling it 'me time'

I've been working on my emotional intelligence in therapy

now I can identify at least five different ways I'm procrastinating on my therapy homework

I'm trying to save for a down payment on a house

but so far I've only managed to save enough for a decent Craigslist couch

Our company motto is 'we're a family here',

which is why I'm starting to think my actual family is also just looking for ways to downsize me.