I've been dating a girl who's into erotic photography, and she asked me to pose for her.

Now I'm a model, but only in the classical sense – I'm only good for a few positions.

My wife told me she wanted to get down on her hands and knees, go deeper than ever before, and really let me take control from behind to ensure everything was spotless.

Turns out she was just talking about scrubbing the stubborn grout in the bathroom.

I've been taking private dance lessons from a professional instructor, and she's been teaching me about the importance of proper mounting and dismounting techniques.

Now I can finally do the salsa without getting tangled up in my own feet.

My girlfriend told me she wanted our relationship to 'evolve,' to 'reach new heights' and 'explore uncharted territory.'

I thought she meant we should try anal.