I've been dating a professional geologist, and she's been teaching me about the importance of excavation and getting to the core of our relationship.

Now I'm feeling the pressure to penetrate deeper and make a lasting impression.

My financial advisor told me I really needed to diversify my assets.

I told him, 'Don't worry, I already have a very well-rounded portfolio.'

I've been dating a girl who's a professional cartographer, and she's always trying to map out our love life.

But honestly, I'm just trying to find the point of no return.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to be more aggressive in bed, to really dominate her and make her feel things she'd never felt before.

I said, 'Honey, I'm flattered, but I'm a lover, not a chiropractor!'