My neighbor came over late last night, looking desperate. She said she was all wet, things were tight, and she needed a big, strong man to come over and help her work it until it was firmly in place.

Turns out her new garden hose was jammed in the spigot and she couldn't attach it.

My new barber asked me how I wanted my head.

I told him I like it when he really works it over and leaves it feeling good.

I've been dating a girl who's a professional cryptologist, and she's always trying to crack my code

But honestly, I think she's just looking for a backdoor entry

My career counselor said I needed to figure out how to get ahead in life.

I told her I thought I was already quite proficient at it.