I was at the grocery store this morning, looking for some ingredients for dinner. I needed some mushrooms for the stir-fry, and I spotted a huge pile of them in the produce section.

I thought to myself, 'These look like a lot of fun-guys!'

My daughter was doing her homework and came to me complaining. She said her pencil wasn't working and she couldn't write anything.

I told her, 'Well, if it's not working, it sounds like it's pointless!'

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

So I was at the park with my kids, and we saw a guy playing fetch with his dog. The dog was really good at catching the ball, but the owner was having trouble throwing it straight. I asked him if he was using a special technique to throw the ball, and he said

he was paws-itive it would improve with practice