Marriage is like a great restaurant

It starts with a great menu, but after a while, you're just happy to get a seat at the table and not have to do the dishes

We designed our wedding seating chart with scientific precision.

Mainly to keep Aunt Carol and Uncle Bob in separate time zones.

I remember [Groom's Name] once told me he was looking for someone who would complete him.

Now that he's found [Bride's Name], I think he's realized 'completing him' mostly involves knowing where he left his keys and reminding him to take out the recycling.

I asked the happy couple what their secret to a harmonious marriage was, and they told me it's all about compromise.

Which is just a nice way of saying they're both still learning to pretend to listen to each other.