Before we got married, my wife would spend an hour getting ready for our dates.

Now, if she brushes her hair before we leave the house, I know it's a special occasion.

My wife and I have a flawless system for deciding what to watch on TV.

I suggest five shows, she vetoes them all, and then we watch whatever she was already planning to watch.

We designed our wedding seating chart with scientific precision.

Mainly to keep Aunt Carol and Uncle Bob in separate time zones.

I've learned that marriage is all about finding creative ways to ask for permission

like, 'Honey, can I turn the thermostat down?' is actually just code for 'Can I still be in charge of something?'