I told my wife she was drawing our bedroom curtains the wrong way

and now we haven't seen each other in weeks

I've known [Groom's Name] for years, and before [Bride's Name] came along, his approach to home decor could best be described as 'minimalist-if-you-don't-count-the-dust-bunnies'.

Now, I'm pretty sure he knows the difference between a throw pillow and a floor cushion. That's true love, folks.

Before they got married, [Bride's Name] and [Groom's Name] probably envisioned idyllic mornings, waking up to birds chirping and breakfast in bed.

Now they'll get to experience the joys of waking up to a smoke detector chirping, because someone forgot the toast.

When my wife and I were dating, she used to say I was such a great listener, I'd often finish her sentences.

Now, I just finish her snacks.