I've been trying to find the perfect Valentine's Day gift

but it's hard when the only person I'm shopping for is my cat, and all she wants is tuna

I'm not arguing that Valentine's Day is overrated, but

I just think it's a holiday created by florists and jewelers to make singles feel like they're in a real-life game of 'Monopoly' – paying rent, but no one's getting a free park.

I'm reading a book on Valentine's Day history

It's a real page-turner, mainly because it's empty

Why did the chocolate go to therapy on Valentine's Day?

Because it was feeling a little melted under the pressure