My Valentine's Day plans usually involve a very specific type of bouquet.

A pizza box, surrounded by breadsticks.

I've been trying to find my perfect match on dating apps

but so far, it's just been a series of swipes, disappointment, and proof that my friends were wrong when they said I'm a catch

Are you a Valentine's Day coupon?

Because you're redeemable in my heart and I want to cash in on our love

I'm starting to think Valentine's Day is just a social experiment

to see how many people will willingly pay triple for flowers and dinner