What did the grape say when it got invited to a Valentine's Day party?

I'm crushed that I have to decline, but I'd love to wine and dine with you another time

My favorite thing about Valentine's Day is actually the day after.

That's when all the good chocolate goes 50% off. It's like Christmas, but for cynics.

I told my friend I was planning a romantic Valentine's Day dinner

for one, with a movie, a pizza, and a strongly worded letter to my fridge for being empty

Why did Cupid's arrow go to therapy?

Because it had a lot of 'pointed' issues to work through.