Excuse me, do you have a Band-Aid?

Because I just cut myself trying to open this Valentine's candy wrapper.

Why did the candy store owner love Valentine's Day?

Because it was a sweetheart of a deal.

People always ask me what my significant other is getting me for Valentine's Day.

My significant other is Amazon Prime, and they're getting me whatever I put in my cart at 2 AM last Tuesday.

I'm starting to think Valentine's Day is just a social experiment

to see how many people will willingly pay triple for flowers and dinner