I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update, but my manager said

that would ruin the 'synergy' of watching each other drink coffee for 15 minutes

I'm trying to buy a house, but the market is crazy

I've got a better chance of winning the lottery than getting a mortgage with a payment that's less than my student loan

Our company motto is 'we're a family here',

which is why I'm starting to think my actual family is also just looking for ways to downsize me.

My company says 'we're a family here.'

Which explains why I'm emotionally exhausted and constantly planning my escape.