I just spent twenty minutes drafting an email to a male colleague about a simple project update.

Not because the content was complex, but because I had to make sure I sounded collaborative, not bossy, and then added three exclamation points so I didn't seem cold.

When my ex broke up with me, I didn't just cry.

I dramatically walked away mid-sentence, into the pouring rain, and only once I was half a block down the street did I remember my car was parked *right behind him* and I had to do a very undramatic U-turn.

My main character energy is so strong, if I try on clothes and they don't fit right...

I don't blame the clothes. I blame the wardrobe department for misinterpreting the script.

I love how self-care ads always say 'take a few minutes for yourself each day'

like I can just carve out a tranquil oasis between my 3 PM meeting and 3:05 PM panic attack