My therapist asked me what my five-year plan was.

I told her, 'Survive and maybe afford therapy for another five years?'

I've been trying to develop a growth mindset in therapy

but so far the only thing I've grown is my therapy bill

My CEO just told everyone, 'We're a family here!'

I immediately checked my organ donor status.

I asked my manager why our meeting couldn't have been an email

And they said 'because then we wouldn't have had the opportunity to synergize our thought processes and disrupt the paradigm of traditional communication'