This dude on Hinge listed his biggest red flag as 'drama queens.'

His entire profile was basically a subtweet manifesto about exes and 'toxic people.'

I spent a solid hour this morning making myself look 'effortlessly put together.'

Which means I've now got about a three-hour grace period before humidity, gravity, or my own face decides to stage a coup.

I just spent twenty minutes drafting an email to a male colleague about a simple project update.

Not because the content was complex, but because I had to make sure I sounded collaborative, not bossy, and then added three exclamation points so I didn't seem cold.

I went to the grocery store to pick up some milk, but as I was walking down the aisle, I felt the urge to add some flair to my shopping experience.

So, I started voicing my inner monologue out loud, 'I'll just grab this gallon of 2%... the choice of a woman who's given up on love, but still holds on to hope... and also needs cereal for the week.'