I've started to realize that my self-care routine is just a series of expensive habits I've convinced myself are necessary for my well-being

My new dry shampoo promised to give me 'effortless volume.'

And by 'effortless,' they apparently meant 20 minutes of strategic spraying, head flipping, and frantic finger-combing to achieve that perfect 'just rolled out of bed, but in a cute way' vibe.

I saw a guy's Instagram story where he posted a photo of his homemade breakfast with the caption 'cooking for one'

which is just code for 'I'm trying to convince you I'm a functioning adult but really I just microwaved an egg'

I've started using a habit-tracking app to monitor my daily routine

Now I'm not just procrastinating, I'm also collecting data on how good I am at procrastinating