I told my girlfriend she was amazing in bed, and she asked me to be more specific.

So I said, 'You're great at hiding the evidence, but sometimes I feel like I'm the one being investigated.'

A man and a woman walked into a bar, and the bartender looked up and said, 'What is this, some kind of joke?' The woman smiled and said they were on their first date, and the man had promised to show her a great time.

So he pulled out a condom and said, 'Let's get started on the main course.'

My pottery instructor told me I really needed to work on my handling skills.

Now I'm much better at getting things wet and spinning them into shape.

My boss told me I need to stop coming up short on my deadlines.

I told him, 'At least I'm not the one coming early.'