My dentist told me I needed a deep cleaning.

I told him I thought he was only interested in my teeth.

My girlfriend recently told me she wanted me to put more effort into our love life. She said she was tired of me just going straight for it and finishing too quickly.

I told her, 'Look, I treat sex like I treat my taxes: I just want to get it over with as quickly and painlessly as possible.'

I've been seeing a professional massage therapist to work out some knots, and she's been teaching me how to apply the right amount of pressure, get deep into the muscle, and finish with a happy ending.

My wife told me she wanted to get down on her hands and knees, go deeper than ever before, and really let me take control from behind to ensure everything was spotless.

Turns out she was just talking about scrubbing the stubborn grout in the bathroom.