What did the chocolate bar say to its sweetheart?

I'm nuts about you!

Are you a Valentine's Day coupon?

Because you're a discount on my loneliness and I want to redeem you

My Valentine's Day plans are pretty romantic, actually.

It involves me, a blanket, and a very serious, committed relationship with my takeout menu.

I'm reading a book on Valentine's Day history

It's a real page-turner, mainly because it's empty