I've been dating a girl who's really into polyamory, and I have to say, it's been a real learning experience.

Now I know what it's like to be in a relationship, a backup plan, and a participation trophy all at the same time.

I've been dating a professional upholsterer, and she's been teaching me how to reupholster our love life.

Now we're stitching together a strong relationship, one layer at a time, and it's getting deeper with every seam.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to tease her more in bed.

I said, 'Alright, but you're not getting an orgasm until you finally fix that leaky faucet.'

My ex always told me I had a head for business...

...which was confusing, because I was usually between her legs.