I've been dating a librarian, and she's always checking me out.

My girlfriend told me she really wanted me to listen to her and pay attention to her every need in bed.

So I got down on my knees and just waited for her to tell me what to do.

My wife told me she prefers it when I go down on one knee.

She says it shows I'm really committed to tying the knot.

My new job involves a lot of delicate handling. I have to make sure I grasp the shaft firmly, get it properly seated, and then apply steady pressure until it's fully inserted and locked in place.

I'm a professional forklift operator.