I've been dating a girl who's a professional taxidermist, and she's always trying to get me to mount something that's been dead for a while.

My girlfriend told me she finds a man who can 'handle his wood' very attractive.

I guess I'd better learn some carpentry.

My wife told me she wanted to get down on her hands and knees, go deeper than ever before, and really let me take control from behind to ensure everything was spotless.

Turns out she was just talking about scrubbing the stubborn grout in the bathroom.

Why did the man bring a compass on his date?

He wanted to take their relationship in a new direction.