My dad's idea of a perfect Father's Day morning isn't breakfast in bed...

It's being the first one awake to admire the flawless stripes he mowed into the lawn *yesterday*.

My dad's favorite Father's Day tradition is

spending the whole day in the backyard, not because he loves the family gathering, but because it's the one day a year he can use the lawn as an excuse to buy a new lawn mower.

My dad said he didn't need a thing for Father's Day this year.

But then he added, 'Unless you happen to know where my *other* tape measure is. The good one.'

My dad's garage is so organized,

he can find a screw from 1992 faster than I can find my car keys.