I've been taking private dance lessons from a beautiful instructor, and she's been teaching me how to grind with precision, really thrust my hips, and make every move count.

Now I'm finally comfortable with my body and can tango in front of my family.

My boss told me I need to stop coming up short on my deadlines.

I told him, 'At least I'm not the one coming early.'

My career counselor said I needed to figure out how to get ahead in life.

I told her I thought I was already quite proficient at it.

I've been dating a girl who's a professional cryptologist, and she's always trying to crack my code

But honestly, I think she's just looking for a backdoor entrance