I've decided to treat myself on Valentine's Day

Because let's be real, I'm the only one who still thinks I'm a good catch

Why did the chocolate go on a date?

It was looking for its truffle mate.

Are you a box of conversation hearts?

Because you're making my heart skip a beat and I want to candy-coat our love with sweet nothings

Some people spend Valentine's Day searching for their soulmate.

I'm just trying to decide if my soulmate is the pizza delivery guy or the remote control.