Valentine's Day is when everyone celebrates finding their 'better half'.

I'm celebrating my 'better *alone* half' – the one who gets the whole couch and doesn't have to share snacks.

Why did the chocolate go to the Valentine's Day party?

Because it wanted to melt some hearts

Are you a Valentine's Day heart-shaped balloon?

Because you're inflating my expectations of love and I don't want you to pop out of my life.

Are you a Valentine's Day cookie?

Because you're sugar sweet and I want to be the sprinkles on your heart