I've been trying to find my perfect match on dating apps

but so far, it's just been a series of swipes, disappointment, and proof that my friends were wrong when they said I'm a catch

On Valentine's Day, couples are out there, declaring their undying love with grand gestures...

And I'm just grateful for the unwavering loyalty of my couch and the remote control.

Why did the couple bring a ladder on their Valentine's Day date?

Because they wanted to take their relationship to new heights

My ideal Valentine's Day involves a long, loving relationship...

...with my remote control and a very large pizza.