Are you a Valentine's Day coupon?

Because you're redeemable in my heart and I want to cash in on our love

This Valentine's Day, while couples are out having romantic candlelit dinners...

I'll be enjoying the ultimate luxury: eating pizza in sweatpants without judgment.

I'm celebrating Valentine's Day this year by

reorganizing my Netflix queue into 'lonely nights' and 'even lonelier nights' categories.

My ideal Valentine's Day involves a long, loving relationship...

...with my remote control and a very large pizza.