Valentine's Day always makes me think of couples like competitive athletes...

...they spend all year casually dating, then on February 14th, it's suddenly the Olympics of romance.

My Valentine's Day plans usually involve a very specific type of bouquet.

A pizza box, surrounded by breadsticks.

Why did the candy store owner love Valentine's Day?

Because it was a sweetheart of a deal.

Are you a Valentine's Day rose?

Because you're a little prickly, but I'm still stuck on you