On Valentine's Day, couples are out there, declaring their undying love with grand gestures...

And I'm just grateful for the unwavering loyalty of my couch and the remote control.

Are you a Valentine's Day heart-shaped balloon?

Because you're inflating my expectations of love and I don't want you to pop out of my life.

What did the sunflower say to its Valentine?

I picked you above all the others!

Why did Cupid's arrow go to therapy?

Because it had a lot of 'pointed' issues to work through.