My wife and I have finally figured out the secret to a happy marriage.

We each have our own designated side of the couch and our own separate TV remotes.

They say marriage is like a TV remote control.

In the beginning, you're both fighting for who gets to hold it. After a few years, you're fighting over who *has* to get up and find it.

When my wife and I were dating, I'd bring her flowers just because.

Now, if I bring home the correct brand of paper towels, she looks at me like I just won the lottery.

They say love is all you need, but I think marriage is more like a DIY project from a flat-pack furniture store.

You start with enthusiasm, follow vague instructions, argue over which part goes where, and eventually, you end up with something beautiful... and maybe a few extra pieces you're not sure about.