I've been dating a girl who's a professional librarian, and she's always trying to get me to check out her catalog and see if we have a good connection.

Why did the man bring a screwdriver on his first date?

He wanted to take things to the next level.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to tease her more in bed.

I said, 'Alright, but you're not getting an orgasm until you finally fix that leaky faucet.'

I told my girlfriend she was amazing in bed, and she asked me to be more specific.

So I said, 'You're great at hiding the evidence, but sometimes I feel like I'm the one being investigated.'