My girlfriend got mad at me because I can never remember where I put my keys, but I always know exactly where she keeps her vibrator.

I told her, 'Honey, one offers the remote possibility of getting me out of the house, the other offers some friendly competition.'

I've been dating a clockmaker, and she's always trying to wind me up

My girlfriend told me she wanted to 'get to the bottom of things' in our relationship.

So I spent the entire night perfecting my rim job technique.

My golf game has really gone downhill lately.

My caddy told me I just need to remember two things: a firm grip and always finish in the hole.