I asked my financial advisor what the key to long-term satisfaction was.

He just sighed and said, 'Honestly, it's usually over too soon.'

I've been seeing a professional massage therapist to work out some knots, and she's been teaching me how to apply the right amount of pressure, get deep into the muscle, and finish with a happy ending.

I've been learning how to make the perfect soufflé from a French chef

She says the key is to beat it until it rises, then take it out before it falls

I've been dating a girl who's a talented photographer, and she's always trying to get the perfect shot

But honestly, I think she's just looking for a good exposure