Do you have a map?

Because I keep getting lost in your eyes... and now I'm aimlessly wandering through the Valentine's Day candy aisle.

This Valentine's Day, while couples are gazing into each other's eyes...

I'll be gazing lovingly into the bottom of a pizza box.

My Valentine's Day plans usually involve a very specific type of bouquet.

A pizza box, surrounded by breadsticks.

I've been trying to find the perfect Valentine's Day gift

but it's hard when the only person I'm shopping for is my cat, and all she wants is tuna