My ex told me he wanted a woman who was 'independent and strong,' someone who 'didn't need a man to take care of her.'

Turns out, he just meant he wanted someone who'd pay for her own dates and never ask him to move a heavy box.

I was at the grocery store, and as I reached for the last loaf of bread, I felt a surge of drama

So I monologued to the entire aisle, 'It's not just a loaf of bread, it's a symbol of hope in a world that's always trying to toast us'

He told me he prefers women who aren't 'too high-maintenance.'

Honey, I just spent ten minutes trying to peel a hair tie off my wrist without taking off my watch. We are barely maintaining.

My main character energy is so potent, that when my Wi-Fi went out this morning...

...I didn't just troubleshoot it. I paced dramatically, stared out the window with a pensive expression, and waited for the inspiring background music to kick in so I could have my 'aha!' moment.