My friend just described herself as 'low-maintenance' because she only buys one type of moisturizer.

And I thought, 'Honey, I just spent ten minutes deciding if my bra straps were visible enough to be an accessory or an oversight. That's *my* version of 'just rolling out of bed'.'

I spent all of Sunday morning meticulously meal-prepping, labeling containers, feeling like a domestic goddess of wellness.

By Tuesday evening, I was eating lukewarm cheese straight from the block, staring wistfully at those perfectly portioned quinoa bowls.

I love how some guys on their dating profiles claim they're 'passionate about travel' and 'love adventure.'

Turns out 'adventure' means driving an hour to a different state's Buffalo Wild Wings.

I've started using a planner to organize my life, which is just a nice way of saying

I'm paying $20 to write down all the things I'm not going to do