My wife was complaining about our plumbing last night. She said something about needing a man who could really handle a pipe, get deep down, and know how to screw things tight to stop the leaking.

So I called a plumber, and he'll be here Monday.

My friend, who's a master woodworker, told me the key to a really strong joint...

He said you have to get it perfectly aligned, drive it in deep, and apply plenty of pressure for a solid finish.

Why did the man bring a compass on his date?

He wanted to take their relationship in a new direction.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to be more spontaneous in bed.

So I just started shouting 'SURPRISE!' every time I came.