Why did the rose go to the party on Valentine's Day?

Because it was a blooming good time

Why did the candy store owner love Valentine's Day?

Because it was a sweetheart of a deal.

I've been trying to find the perfect Valentine's Day gift

but it's hard when the only person I'm shopping for is my cat, and all she wants is tuna

Valentine's Day is when everyone celebrates finding their 'better half'.

I'm celebrating my 'better *alone* half' – the one who gets the whole couch and doesn't have to share snacks.