I'm not single on Valentine's Day, I'm just

in a long-distance relationship with my couch and Netflix.

Are you a Valentine's Day candy jar?

Because you're filled with sweetness and I want to get stuck on you!

Why did Cupid's arrow go to therapy?

Because it had a lot of 'pointed' issues to work through.

I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away...

...trying to read the tiny print on this candy heart.