My Valentine's Day plans involve a very deep, very passionate relationship...

...with an entire pizza I don't have to share.

Why did the heart go to the art museum on Valentine's Day?

Because it was a work of art to its soulmate

Is your heart a target?

Because Cupid keeps missing it and hitting my wallet.

I'm celebrating Valentine's Day this year by

reorganizing my Netflix queue into 'lonely nights' and 'even lonelier nights' categories.