You must be tired,

because you've been running through my mind all day... probably looking for the best deals on Valentine's Day gifts.

Valentine's Day is when everyone celebrates finding their 'better half'.

I'm celebrating my 'better *alone* half' – the one who gets the whole couch and doesn't have to share snacks.

Why did the rose go to the party on Valentine's Day?

Because it was a blooming good time

I've been practicing my Valentine's Day skills

by lovingly cooking a solo meal, and then arguing with myself over who left the dishes in the sink