For Valentine's Day, I'm celebrating my love for true independence.

Which mostly involves wearing sweatpants, ordering takeout, and not sharing the remote.

This Valentine's Day, I'm celebrating true love...

...the love between me and an entire extra-large pizza.

Why did Cupid get kicked out of the bakery?

He kept shooting for the heart-shaped cookies!

Are you a Valentine's Day coupon?

Because you're redeemable in my heart, but unfortunately, you're also expiring soon if you don't go out with me.