I'm not arguing that Valentine's Day is overrated, but

I just think it's a holiday created by florists and jewelers to make singles feel like they're in a real-life game of 'Monopoly' – paying rent, but no one's getting a free park.

Why did the rose decide to propose on Valentine's Day?

Because it was ready to bud the question!

Valentine's Day is when everyone celebrates finding their 'better half'.

I'm celebrating my 'better *alone* half' – the one who gets the whole couch and doesn't have to share snacks.

I tried to order a Valentine's Day dinner for one, but the restaurant had a special request

They asked if I wanted to upgrade to a pity party of two, with a complimentary side of tears