This Valentine's Day, I'm really looking forward to flowers, chocolates, and someone telling me how special I am.

So I ordered myself a bouquet, bought a fancy box of truffles, and then just looked in the mirror.

Why did the chocolate chip cookie propose on Valentine's Day?

Because it finally found its chipmate!

I'm starting to think Valentine's Day is just a social experiment

to see how many people will willingly pay triple for flowers and dinner

People always ask me what my significant other is getting me for Valentine's Day.

My significant other is Amazon Prime, and they're getting me whatever I put in my cart at 2 AM last Tuesday.