I've come to realize that my love life is like a recipe for disaster.

It's got all the right ingredients: loneliness, disappointment, and a pinch of desperation.

My friends asked what my big romantic plans were for Valentine's Day.

I told them I'm having a passionate affair... with my sweatpants and a gallon of ice cream. It's complicated, but we make it work.

I've been trying to find the perfect Valentine's Day gift

but it's hard when the only person I'm shopping for is my cat, and all she wants is tuna

What did the grape say when it got invited to a Valentine's Day party?

I'm crushed that I have to decline, but I'd love to wine and dine with you another time