I've learned that marriage is all about finding creative ways to ask for permission

like, 'Honey, can I turn the thermostat down?' is actually just code for 'Can I still be in charge of something?'

We tried to create a wedding budget, but it kept escaping from us.

I think it's now funding its own spin-off wedding in a different city.

I asked the happy couple what their secret to a harmonious marriage was, and they told me it's all about compromise.

Which is just a nice way of saying they're both still learning to pretend to listen to each other.

My wife and I have been married for ten years and we still share a closet.

By 'share,' I mean her clothes live *in* the closet, and mine live *on* that one chair in the bedroom.