My girlfriend told me she wanted to try some 'kinky stuff' in the bedroom last night. She pulled out a blindfold, some ropes, and a feather duster.

I asked her, 'So, are we having sex, or are you just finally going to clean that dust bunny under the bed that's been watching us?'

I was trying to set up my new home entertainment system last night.

My friend, who's an electrician, said I just needed to make sure all my connections were really tight.

I've been dating a girl who's really into astrology, and she told me our love was written in the stars.

But honestly, I think our love life is more like a lunar cycle – it's all about the phases, and sometimes it's just a dark void for weeks.

My financial advisor told me I need to be more aggressive with my assets...

...and diversify my portfolio by spreading it around.