This Valentine's Day, I'm celebrating by getting into a long-term, committed relationship.

With my couch and a streaming service. We're very exclusive.

Do you have a map?

Because I just got lost in your eyes, and now I can't find the Valentine's candy aisle.

Are you a box of conversation hearts?

Because you're making my heart skip a beat and I want to candy-coat our love with sweet nothings

I've been practicing my Valentine's Day skills

by lovingly cooking a solo meal, and then arguing with myself over who left the dishes in the sink