My girlfriend told me she wanted me to tease her more in bed.

I said, 'Alright, but you're not getting an orgasm until you finally fix that leaky faucet.'

Why did the man get fired from the sperm bank?

He kept eating the samples.

My neighbor called me over late last night, frantic because her pipes were really backed up. She said she needed a big, strong man to come over and give them a good pounding until everything started flowing freely again.

Turns out she just needed a plunger.

My friend, who's a professional trombonist, was telling me about the key to a really great performance. He said you have to get a firm grip on the slide, push and pull it with power and precision, and really blow hard and deep to make it sing.

He was showing me how to hit the high notes.