I've been dating a girl who's a professional arborist, and she's always trying to get me to branch out and try new things in the evening

My rock climbing instructor told me I needed to improve my grip.

I told him, 'Funny, my girlfriend always tells me I've got a fantastic grip.'

My girlfriend asked me to help her with a new recipe last night. She said it needed a lot of careful preparation, a firm grip, and then I really had to beat it hard until it was stiff and peaked, ready for her to spread it out and enjoy.

Turns out she was just making meringue.

My girlfriend told me she wanted to 'get to the bottom of things' in our relationship.

So I spent the entire night perfecting my rim job technique.