I've been dating a girl who's really into astrology, and she told me our love was written in the stars.

But honestly, I think our love life is more like a lunar cycle – it's all about the phases, and sometimes it's just a dark void for weeks.

A man and a woman walked into a bar, and the bartender looked up and said, 'What is this, some kind of joke?' The woman smiled and said they were on their first date, and the man had promised to show her a great time.

So he pulled out a condom and said, 'Let's get started on the main course.'

My piano teacher told me I needed to work on my fingering.

I said, "I'm trying, but not on a keyboard."

I was trying to set up my new home entertainment system last night.

My friend, who's an electrician, said I just needed to make sure all my connections were really tight.