My girlfriend told me she wanted our relationship to 'evolve,' to 'reach new heights' and 'explore uncharted territory.'

I thought she meant we should try anal.

My girlfriend asked if I could help her with her new air mattress.

She said she needed me to really 'pump it up' to make sure it was firm enough for us tonight.

I've been dating a professional upholsterer, and she's been teaching me how to reupholster our love life.

Now we're stitching together a strong relationship, one layer at a time, and it's getting deeper with every seam.

I've been dating a girl who's a professional cryptologist, and she's always trying to crack my code

But honestly, I think she's just looking for a backdoor entry