My girlfriend told me she wanted to feel something 'deep and meaningful' in bed.

I told her, 'Honey, if you wanted a colonoscopy, you could have just said so.'

I've been dating a professional geologist, and she's been teaching me about the importance of excavation and getting to the core of our relationship.

Now I'm feeling the pressure to penetrate deeper and make a lasting impression.

I've been taking private lessons from a professional clockmaker

and she's been teaching me how to wind people up

My neighbor called me late last night, frantic. She said she was trying a new position but just couldn't get it to feel right...

...and asked if I could come over and help her properly align the shelves.