My wife told me she prefers it when I go down on one knee.

She says it shows I'm really committed to tying the knot.

My ex always told me I had a head for business...

...which was confusing, because I was usually between her legs.

My buddy was telling me his sex life has been a lot like his internet connection lately.

I asked, 'Slow, constantly buffering, and never quite reaching peak download speed?' He just sighed and said, 'Worse, man. All upload, no bandwidth for the receiver.'

My golf instructor told me I needed to loosen my grip, adjust my stance, and really follow through with my shaft for a better shot.