My girlfriend told me she wanted me to be more adventurous in bed.

I said, 'Honey, I already tried that. Last week I spent twenty minutes looking for your clitoris.'

I've been dating a girl who's a professional gemstone polisher

and she's always trying to get me to rub her the right way

I've been taking pottery classes, and my instructor says I have a natural talent...

...for getting my hands deep into the clay and making it spin just right.

My girlfriend told me she wanted to experiment with something new in bed. She said, 'Let's try anal.'

I said, 'Honey, I've been trying that for years. It's called marriage.'